Monthly Archives: October 2013

Seperate Beds? Seperate Rooms? Nothing wrong with that

Lithe Living and Having Your Own Bed

I was at a memorial service and started chatting with some lady friends I hadn’t seen in forever. We started talking about our husbands, getting older, and sleep. Turns out, almost every one of us has a separate room we sleep in, if we are lucky enough. Between hot flashes, snoring husbands, mattresses, etc, we like and need our own space at night. One woman even laughed about those commercials with the couples spooning on the great mattresses, “yeah, that’s comfortable”, she said, rolling her eyes.

Its not that these women disliked their mates, its not that they didn’t like the physical contact, for many started in bed cuddling, chatting, reading, with their significant other, but they move to their own space to actually get some sleep. Sometimes, it was a partner reading, or making odd noises that drove the other to another room.

Getting a good nights sleep, where one is rested, can think straight, and doesn’t resent the other person for keeping them awake all night, is smart. If it means separate beds once in a while, or most of the time, that’s just fine. And neither partner should feel bad if they need to get that space for themselves. Most of my girlfriends that have separate boudoirs are empty-nesters who have the room to spread out. And as they are not kittens anymore, but mature cats, they deserve to have their own space.

Some just use the adult kid’s room as is, some have taken the guest room and turned it into their new sleeping space, but made it comfortable for friends to use. After years of sharing, they love their own room. They often decorate it to their own feminine tastes, with pretty pillows, flowers, candles and new sheets

My husband is a snorer, and I still have night sweats, so for me being able to go to a nice fresh bed and allow both of us to get a solid six hours sleep is heavenly. At first, my husband was perturbed I was in a different room, but I always start my night with him, and if I wake early, go back an cuddle or WHATEVER (wink wink). Keeps us connected and rested. He sleeps better because I am not tossing and turning, and I sleep better on a mattress more suited to me.

I do have a couple of women friends who say, oh no never, I love sleeping with my husband. Good for them, but they shouldn’t knock it till they have tried it!! It was almost like they were judging when they heard many couple have separate rooms, but hey, if it keeps people together, that’s a good thing! I have a male acquaintance who dislikes his wife, they haven’t had sex for years, but they still share a bed. He resents she sleeps in old sweats, yet I get the idea that she couldn’t be bothered to be sexy for him. I think sleeping in the same bed, for them, is the one last way they connect as a married couple. I have another friend who has had a separate room from her husband for three years, but they were headed toward divorce way before she moved out of her room.

Most of the women who shared they had their own rooms were in strong, long lasting marriages. Not sharing a mattress to sleep on was no a symptom of problems in the marriage, but a sign the women were taking care of their needs. I have discovered I like to “spread out” when I sleep, taking over 2/3rds of the bed, and my wee dog likes to sleep curled into me (she I like to spoon with). I really enjoy my “snore bed” as my friend calls it.

Think its time I bought myself some new sheets!!

Sleep well and dream lithely


and see, I am not alone!